A Guide To Knowing Your Zombie Attackers

To simplify things, we've broken down Zombie types into three categories:

1. FAST: They can run and they're full of rage! This type of the undead can be quite resourceful and have some semblance of intellect to them.

Best Escape Method: Car, airplane, motorcycle (car would probably be better than motorcycle), anything motorized that can go faster than the best olympic sprinter. Don't even try to outrun them, you can't.

Hates: Getting run-over by a car, shopping carts, fire, and gunshots to the head.

Likes: Brains

How to defeat a FAST zombie: Best to carry an arsenal of weaponry, or a strong sturdy vehicle than can withstand an impact (see; any American car pre 1978).

2. SLOW: Your typical run-of-the-mill type of zombie. Can usually be out-run and out smarted by you, the potential victim, pretending to be the undead yourself by, limping, putting your arms out, head back and making a "uuuuuggghhhh" groan from the back of your throat.

Hates: Getting run-over by a car, fire, and gunshots to the head, and vinyl records.

Likes: Brains and shopping carts (at least, in my neighborhood).

How to defeat a SLOW zombie: Any blunt object will do. Add in some quick wit and you'll be holed up in the pub in no time.

3. DANCING: If you're lucky enough to get the dancing undead invading your town, there's not too much to worry about. Usually, they'll pop out of the ground for a song or two and then recede back into their final resting place till another mega-hit song comes along.

Hates: Getting run-over by a car, getting set of fire, gunshots to the head, and charlie-horses.

Likes: Scaring couples in the dark and (enter gratuitous MJ joke here).

How to defeat a DANCING zombie: Join in!

Good Luck!

When In Washington State, Go Here:

Driving back from a trip to Seattle/Tacoma/Olympia region of Washington State we deduced that the Space Needle is the best place to go when zombies attack Seattle (if not the world). Why? Let's Break it down:

1. It's high, I mean really high, maybe not as high as the Eiffel Tower, but high enough that you could see a 360 degree panorama of the burning city below during the zombie takeover. And of course it helps that it's round and has an observation deck around the whole damn thing.

2. There a restaurant there. All the food you would possible need to sit out a long term infestation. Even if the electricity gives out, I'm sure there's a big ole' meat locker freezer up there to keep all the meat. Just remember to eat it first before you go for the Cheeto's and Twinkies.

3. It's got only one stairway to the top. After shutting down power to the elevators, all you have to do is block off the stairwell to the top and BAM(!) instant fortification. Plus the sloping sheer pillars that support the damn thing is nigh impossible to climb.

So, you have a high vantage point, food, and only one means of egress to protect. This place is ideal.

Good Luck!

Welcome, What A Long Strange Trip It's Been...

Hello and welcome. This blog is dedicated to the ramblings and musings of a group of friends who, when forced with long road trips or Sake induced hilarity at the local Japanese restaurant have taken it upon themselves to wax poetically about the end of the world or the best places to be during a zombie attack. I had originally planned to pen a book or write a sitcom about these events, but this being the 22nd century and I being lazy, have decided to blog about it.

We are in no way experts on survival tactics nor experts in the field of medicine or science, but we are children of popular culture and students of the basic/premium cable package provided by our local cable provider, so this in turn makes us experts in the word of the interweb.

Good Luck!